Posted December 11, 2010, 9:39 pm

Dear Google.

I have a really big box. Inside that box I am packing all of this want and lust and desire that I have for a stupid little computer. I would really like to get my hands on a Cr-48, Google’s little Chrome OS testbed, given freely to some but not all volunteers.

Please do not confuse this with need. I have a laptop, a real one with hard drives and a file system and everything. I also have a little fruit flavored computer that lives in my pocket and gives me all the internet access I could ever need, and it makes phone calls too.

The Cr-48 is totally stupid. I don’t need stupid junk.

But it’s the sveltest fucking machine I’ve seen. Black on black on matte finished catsuit black. CAPS-LOCK keys are for assholes, anyway.

What would I do if one of those little brown boxes showed up on my doorstep over night? Well, I’d probably do a dance, tear it open, take a photo, start fucking with it, and not get anything else done for the next two days. I really don’t need that in my life right now.

Dear Google, here are my pleas.

Please send me a little black bucket of internet from which I can sip intermittently and with leisure, with a full size chiclet keyboard.

Please don’t send it to me until after I finish my final exams on Monday Night. Monday night at 9pm would be a perfect time for you to rain your sweet mana upon mine head.

Please stick with it. I think cheap underpowered screens with web access are a pretty good idea.

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