Identify 2
Part deux of the self redux, in which the narrator considers location, location, location. In addition, lyrics of Sweetbreads by Andrew Bird:
When I was a little boy I threw away my action toys
I became obsessed with operation
with Hearts and minds and certain glands
You learn to keep a steady hand
And thus began a morbid fascination with
…
sweetbreads, I could taste what you were thinking
sweetbreads, that’s the taste of neurons thinking
…
Do you wonder where the self resides
Is it in your head or between your sides
And who’s going to decide its true location?
cause it’s a question for the centuries
from communion to mad cow disease
but is it worthy of a song - all life’s location?
oh and the sweetest sweetbread of them all within the kingdom of afar
call them thoughts and metaphor-inations
they call them
…
sweetbreads, I could taste what you were thinking
sweetbreads, that’s the taste of neurons thinking
…
does the thought of bowels red and black
the thought of tongues that taste you back fill you with a nauseous elation
where a simple trip to the grocery store could fill you with an abject horror
can you taste the misery of those crustaceans?
oh and the sweetest sweetbread of them all
within the kingdom of afar should’ve caused some silent machinations
they call them
…
sweetbreads, I could taste what you were thinking
sweetbreads, that’s the taste of neurons thinking
aw, I could taste what you were thinking
oh, give me your thoughts about sweetbread
***
Location, context, circumstance, environment. As the Identity is cycled from internal to external and back again, it is perturbed by countless influences. Many of these influences can be categorized as environmental factors. Friends, annual rainfall, GDP, local edible fauna, workplace stresses, availability of campy horror film, these are but a few of the unlimited identifiable environmental influences. In most cases, these influences and their net effects as an environment are relatively stable. Friends may come and go and the weather changes, but on the scale of the developing identity these shifts average out. As long as an individual remains in the same place, environmental influences will remain stable.
If environmental perturbations are relatively constant, then the calibration of the internal and external identity to each other becomes much simpler. With the internal identity represented by the letter “I”, the external identity represented by the letter “E”, and environmental influences and perturbations represented by the letter “P”, consider the following equations:
In the case of the internal projecting the external;
I + P = E
or, conversely the external reshaping the internal;
E + P = I
As in simple algebra, if the value “P” is a known and constant value, it become much easier to understand the effect it has on “E”. Having a better understanding of how one’s internal identity is rendered externally allows for a more precise and congruous calibration of the internal and external. A stable environments leads to a more persistent and integrated identity.
When an environment changes sufficiently that the value for “P” is no longer constant or known, the changes that occur between the internal and external identities are no longer easily understood. What view the internal identity had of its external representation is now fogged or confused by the new modifier. The reinforcing effect of a clear external identity upon the the internal identity is now bent through an unfamiliar and opaque lens. Unfamiliar filters between the internal and external may reduce the stability of the identity as a whole, and this can lead to new developments.
***
My move from the East Coast to the West resulted in a massive change for all values of “P”. In a new environment, my internal identity was left without the error-checking provided by familiar filters. If I use a “perfectly cromulent word” like “embiggen” and nobody knows I’m referencing The Simpsons, then the projection of my external identity is not in line with what my internal identity would have it be. Because my internal identity cannot objectively view itself, I rely on the way my external identity bounces off of other individuals to self examine. If the filter through which this external identity is bouncing is not familiar to me, then my only glimpse at what may be my internal identity has been shifted.
What follows when filters fog instead of focus? Recalibration.